I’ve known Him for as long as I can remember. Hearing a song when my heart needed to hear it—the repetition of it on the radio at just the right time.. even as a little girl I would stand in awe and wonder knowing deep within me that it was God himself who made that song play, again and again, just for me. No one told me it was him. It just didn’t make sense otherwise. Who else could know that I needed those words that much? Or when I would pull out my little plastic garden chair to sit under a tree and whisper “I’m here, Lord” and no sooner than the sentence rolled off my tongue did a sweeping wind rush through the big towering tree above me and right through my hair. I knew it was Him then. I know it even more now.

To most, these moments may seem normal. Happenstance. Childish. But if you knew my story… you’d even wonder why I would attribute such praise to God at a young age or how I would even know to do so. By the age of these events, I had been abused.. mentally, physically, and emotionally. And just days from my garden chair moment my stepmother would commit suicide just feet away from me. But even after that I knew, He was there. He was with me. And everything would be okay.

Life has plenty been complicated for me. I’ve also made life more complicated than I needed it to be. But I have looked back at those moments many times and realize that somehow I knew. I knew that He loved me for me and that the awareness of him was where our relationship grew. The childlike wonder was where I learned more of, saw more of, what He was truly like. And when I came back to God over a decade ago it was there that I began to hear His voice again and truly experience that relationship—the turning of my attention and my affection and the acknowledgment of His ever-present presence.

Now I am a mom of 2. A wife. I run a business and I wear many hats. Some of which I am currently laying down and I find that once again I must surrender to the childlike wonder of who He is. Many parts of me have grown weary from the journey and I’ve realized that. Other parts of me have become complacent. I’ve also realized that. So I’m unpacking again. Emptying out the boxes that I’ve filled in my mind. Bringing before him the pieces of my heart that have grown busy.. weary… tired. I’m letting go again. And once again He is filling me with truth. In His graciousness, I feel those weary parts coming alive to the childlikeness he has placed within me. I am laying down what is pushing me to be busy. I am teaching my heart to breathe and acknowledge again.

Life in this world will offer us many ways to live. We must remember that these ways are not an option. In the busyness, He is in the quiet. When we can practice the art of resting and remaining in Him we can remain in the quiet with Him so that when a season in our lives calls itself “full” we can find ourselves in the present and still.

I’ve been thinking about Psalm 46:10 often lately. “Be still and know that I am God”. As I was allowing it to roll over and over in my mind the other day I felt God say “Be still in your life, Be at rest, and acknowledge the fact that I am God and you are not. So you can let go!” We cannot control our lives though we try. We must let go and rest in God. It is our highest calling. To be loved and to be known by Him.

I pray the same thing over you today my friend. Let go again. Let go for the first time.. just let go. Be still. Get in the quiet with him each day. Allow Him to fill your soul through his word, through prayer and worship. Lean into Him in your everyday life. After all, He’s already there anyway. 🌳